You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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