Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
