Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
