Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
