My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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