Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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