You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
