Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
