fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
