I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
