OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
why is half of my head shaved?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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