i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
