Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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