I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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