i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
