I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
