BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
