how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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