my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
