genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
