how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
