There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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