Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
