once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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