I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
