you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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