Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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