he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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