the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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