Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
