I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
