Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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