The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
