My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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