Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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