I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
