she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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