I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize