Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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