the day after is always just damage control
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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