At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
