you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
