she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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