I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
