Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
