After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
