I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
PANTIES FOUND
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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