Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
