i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
