I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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