i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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