My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
