I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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