I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
