Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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