she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
