Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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