so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
