I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
