All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize