i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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