guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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