I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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