I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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