somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
