please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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