It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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