Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
