is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
