i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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