please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
