You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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