So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
