I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
